Why Dr. Milton von Fünkdoctorspock?

Here’s a picture of me so you can put a face to the von Fünkdoctorspock:

Some say I bear a striking resemblance to former President Harry Truman. To that I say I should be so lucky, and in the interest of quashing that disservice to President Truman, here's a picture of Truman holding up the famous "Dewey Defeats Truman" newspaper:


Now here's a picture of me, Dr. Milton von Fünkdoctorspock, posing with a novelty reprint of the same newspaper at my local Mega-Mall:

See? He's much more handsome.

I, Dr. Milton von Fünkdoctorspock, received my PhD in Pop from MAvFI, the Milton Amadeus von Fünkdoctorspock Institute, in the late fifties. Yep, I home schooled myself, and it may not have been accredited, but it sure as heck deserves all the credit for getting von Fünkdoctorspock where he is today (special shout out to 99.9 FM KBOM—they don’t call you the “power jam” for nothing! It’s because you’re powerful! And jammin’.).

Over the course of dedicating my life to pop, I co-wrote the Commodores smash hit “Three Times a Lady” (but didn’t get an album credit for reasons I won’t go into—let’s just say a member of the group whom I will refer to here as L. Richie and I had a nasty and unfortunate falling out that had everything to do with my wanting to make the song a School House Rock nugget called "Three Times Two is Six" ). Yes, friends, for a few short weeks I, Dr. Milton von Fünkdoctorspock, was popular. And oh my was it glorious!